Thursday, April 27, 2006

Pix of my Peeps

I like taking pictures of weird things. Sometimes I stage weird things so that I can take pictures of them. But most of the time I don't need to stage weirdness. Weirdness abounds, yo.

I also like Peeps. When I was in high school, my AP English teacher would give us candy if we got perfect scores on our vocabulary quizzes. She made the quizzes hard, too. But, as you might imagine, I got a lot of candy. One day she happened to mention that she'd found in her desk some purple Peeps from at least a year ago. "Does anyone want these petrified Peeps?" she asked.

"Ooh! Ooh!" I said. "I want them!"

"Are you sure?" she asked. "Because I'm not responsible if your teeth come out."

"No! I want them!" I said. "I like Peeps!"

These things were fairly foul in their texture (or should I say, in their density). But they were completely unchanged in their taste. G-d forbid there should ever be global nuclear war; but the next phase of evolution would begin with cockroaches fueled by Peeps.

My wife gave me fifteen hot pink Peeps in my Easter basket this year. I've managed to show remarkable restraint. (This from the girl who routinely burns her mouth on Sour Patch Kids because she just doesn't know when to stop.) Last night I had two Peeps for dessert. I was about to put the first one in my mouth when I realized that it was a horrible mutant. The front of its head was blank; its eyes were in the back of its head. The brown detailing goo squirter had missed! It was creepy as hell!

So I thought maybe I ought to take a picture of its freakishness. I realized I'd have to go upstairs, get the camera, turn it on, put the Peep under some good lighting, take several shots, plug the camera into the computer, and make sure I'd gotten at least one good picture before eating the Peep.

Needless to say, I can't show you what this Peep looked like.

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