Harry Plotzer and the Half-Good Rhymes

Now that the Season of Capitalism is upon us, I know I'm going to be bombarded with happy little Christmas carol arrangements every time I leave the house, not to mention also every time I turn on the TV or the radio. Sometimes I just want to POKE MY EYES OUT. Oedipus is so inspiring, fa la la la la, la la la la.

People parody Christmas carols all the time: Jingle bells, Batman smells. Deck the halls with gasoline. Joy to the world, [fill in the blank] is dead. We fish ewe a mare egrets moose. But really, what could be funnier sillier than parodying in English a song that was written in Hebrew?

(Well, okay, perhaps being attacked by vampiric squid wearing polka-dotted lederhosen and Santa hats is sillier. But not by much.)

There are a few full-length parodies of "Hava Nagila" out there, including one about a mystery food and one of many about tequila. During the vaguely sleep-deprived haze that was my Thanksgiving travel, I didn't have the patience for a whole song while. So I just came up with some lines that sound almost like "Hava Nagila." Of course, one must often force the rhyme.

* Have a sarspreelah
* My name's Bob Vila
* Root for the Steelahs!
* Drive a four-wheelah
* Mint or vaneela?
* Charles and Cameela
* Shaquille O'Neal, ah
* Giant goreela
* Hun named Atteela
* Used Pinto deelah
* Crappy tequila
* Kneecap: pateella
* Potato peelah
* Sink their floteella!
* Made of maneela
* Put out some feelahs

From my cage to yours, Happy It's Not Even December Yet and They're Already Selling Live Christmas Trees at the Grocery Store!